For the first time in a long time, I had a dreadful day. A dreadful day where I was so emotionally and physically exhausted. Anything and everything that could go wrong went wrong. I’ve mentioned before that I work at a preschool. If you have any kids or have worked with kids, you know how exhausting it can be at times.
Well if there is anything that I learned from this entire day is control. Control of my emotions and being aware of them. Now, this isn’t entirely bad because it can go hand in hand with self-regulation. However, it made me aware that no matter how much I thought I knew or had control over my classroom that was not the case. There were changes in the atmosphere and change is hard, especially for children, more so if they are used to a routine.
It made me realize and reflect on my life. There have been many times and including this present season in my life where I thought things were going peachy and me being Bob the Builder over here building my life and relationship with God. But if you caught that I said life before God. I thought I was doing it the other way around. I always say that people will show you who they are, all you need to do is listen. I’m listening now and silly me I never thought to apply that to myself. Fine I’m listening now, loud and clear. Doing the bare minimum is not good enough. It’s not good enough for my heart and my life. Because maybe I needed this day to slap me in the face and say, Christina! Wake the heck up! It’s not all glitter and rainbows! You have your life to live and putting God before anything and in everything will leave you better off. Had I been spending more time with God I could’ve handled this day better. And it wouldn’t have hurt my heart as much as it did. ☹ Because I was doing the bare minimum meant I was going to receive the bare minimum. Anything worth having will always require work. I desire to have a life that God will be proud of; that I will be proud of. But above all, I want to trust God in every season that I am.
Earlier I mention control and how it was what this day taught me. Well, this is what I mean by that. While I was being Bob the Builder, this meant that I was deciding what went where and what color to paint the walls. That’s not how God plays. Heck, I was playing myself the entire time…raise your hand if you felt personally attacked by that statement? (insert emoji with girl raising hand)
Who knew that this messy girl loved control? My life’s a mess including my room. My room is 99.9% of the time a mess, but I know my mess. Someone can come into my room and get something or even touch something and I know that someone was in there. But it’s my room and I love it. While it’s a mess I like to look at my things around me and think to myself each one of these things tells something about me. They all have a home, but they rarely seem to make it back on their own. I have the power of returning it home or letting it collect dust. I like to think that God looks down and thinks to himself, each one of his creations tells something about him. And then on occasions, he thinks to himself, oh beautiful girl you’re so wrong, but I’m gonna let you go through with it anyways. Why? Because he has the power of returning us home, to him; even if he must put obstacles in our way.
I don’t look at today as a fail, in fact, I refuse too. This day might have almost had me. It might’ve doubted me thereafter everything was all said and done. It might’ve even made me question my decision in choosing this path for my life. But it didn’t win. I know who I am and what I am capable of. And while I’m still learning what I can and can’t control I won’t let it get to me. So Bad Day Wednesday, you’re not my favorite. You made me sad and I don’t like being sad. Although I can’t think of anyone that likes it. You are now in my past and that’s one direction I’m not heading, for there are far greater things ahead. And tomorrow…well tomorrow is in God’s hands.